“Truly, Truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”
This is such an amazing verse because it exactly explains what Jesus does with his life, and exactly describes what we all must do in this life as a Christian. When we look at Rom 6, we see Paul teaching on this concept that we have been united with Christ in his death but not only in his death, more than that we have been united to him in resurrection. (Rom 6:1-11)
What is amazing is that Jesus has explained this truth in one sentence and it will take Paul many chapters to expound on this truth, and many years for us to even get a glimpse at what it means. This is a mystery…but it is true.
I am continually learning this truth in new ways. Since I began fund raising I have seen ever more clearly the image of myself that I have set up in my mind and heart and have been worshipping it. I knew it was risky to pray for humility and more faith and grace. Perhaps I didn’t fully understand that much of that growth will come through trial and at times, despair.
I found myself at the feet of Jesus this morning pleading for help. And he brought me to John 12:24. And here I am again, learning to die to myself in new ways. I am repenting (that is, turning back to Jesus) and putting to death my distrust in God, my dislike and discomfort of my current position and am fully laying myself before him with open hands.
It’s funny that I can tell when my heart is becoming hard. For the last several weeks every time I read scripture it felt like just words. I wasn’t feeling the spirit’s force behind every word, that I had come to enjoy every time I was spending time in the word.
The great thing about faith is that you don’t have to understand how this will happen or how this has happened. I don’t know how I have died with Christ or am dying with Christ, but I can trust that it is true, because I can see change in my heart and in my life. It is a change that is totally external to me, meaning that I am not doing it…scripture in conjunction with the Holy Spirit is doing it.
I am continually praising God that it is not left up to me. That just as God sent his son, Jesus into the world, Jesus sends the Holy Spirit to comfort us, teach us, intercede for us, love us, convict us, reveal to us truth to us, to empower us to do his will. And then we are sent into the world…to be light, to be those who are fully trusting Him and walking in faith, through encouragement and discouragement.
And so, to go completely against worldly wisdom, God would you help me die. Jesus would you kill the parts of me that aren’t trusting you, that aren’t loving you, that aren’t loving others through you. Holy Spirit will you put to death the parts of me that are worshipping me. Redirect my heart, I pray.
Your servant…more than that, your child.
Rom 8:32 “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?”